07/17/2019
Lina Martina Gut
8
Travel

The Move stateside - coming home within

One of the first things that became apparent to me when I started researching Houston as my new home, is that it’s commonly referred to by its patriotic people as H-town; so let’s all get on board!

Although I’ve seen some sights, including July 4th fireworks, I’m yet to truly explore what H-town has to offer.

I’ve been busy with logistics and necessities, but as I finally have a moment to reflect on all that’s transpired in the last month, I’ve realized that not only have I not been writing, but that the thoughts and stories that have seemed to so easily flow through my mind in the last while seem to have taken a serious diversion.

I haven’t been able to think about anything besides the immediate time sensitive tasks at hand. It’s only now, after a few key pieces have fallen into place, after a few key milestones have been achieved in the move process, that I seem to be connecting to the flow again.

Late Night Walks

I’ve been taking late night walks in the humid heat of the Houston nights in a prestigious neighbourhood I stumbled upon just outside the hustle and bustle of the Galleria area in which I’m currently staying.

One night after pressing pause on my podcast I realized that I couldn’t hear the (what felt like) 700, 6 lane highways; all I heard was the sound of crickets. It was comforting and peaceful.

Follow The Signs

It was here, on a path that was fortuitously etched with shapes that resembled the Canadian maple leaf, that I realized there was space again.

Space that was previously filled with re-playing the next step that needed taking.

I couldn’t help but smile at what I took this to be – a bold and beautiful sign.

I realized that the words forming in my mind were about my story of those steps being conquered. The space felt once again familiar.

How did I end up in Houston, Texas?

America..in a time of such a strained political landscape?

A few people have asked me variations of these questions with pained and uncomprehending expressions on their faces.

But many have also reacted with excitement and instantly shared what they knew or had heard to be true of Houston which was that it’s a vibrant multicultural hot spot for food, wealth, and an outdoor lifestyle.

All of this excited me.

Fork In The Road

Now, I could say that I came here as a way to escape the cold, or to be closer to my sister, or because I manifested it, or that I wanted a change, or that it was Enbridge.

Truth be told, I think it’s a little bit of all of the above and maybe even for other reasons yet to reveal themselves.

Being trained as a business analyst in the technology space I can truly say in hindsight that this entire experience has felt like running the project (version/upgrade Houston) of my life.  Not only as the business analyst but also as the project manager and the sponsor.

Four months ago I remember taking a call with Enbridge the day I was scheduled to leave the small Caribbean town of Puerto Viejo, in Costa Rica.

It was only a preliminary meet and greet type call, but just two short months later back in Canada I was being offered a Houston based position to be part of a project that was finally underway; a project that for close to a decade I had worked towards seeing come to fruition.

It was exciting news all around.

But, I reacted physically and emotionally in ways I didn’t understand or expect.

I was out in British Columbia visiting my mother at the time, and she said to me with an expression mixed with compassion and confusion “but hunny, isn’t this what you wanted?”.

Touché Mom, touché.

She wasn’t the only one confused.

I guess I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to leave the life I had been leading.

I wasn’t sure if the physical reactions were in fact signs I might be making the wrong decision.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready.

Part of me wanted to spend the summer on the lakes of Western Canada and then the fall hiking the mountain ridges of Machu Picchu and continue exploring, growing, writing and seeing sunset after sunrise after sunset.

At the end of the day, I couldn’t completely distinguish whether it was a voice of fear or intuition that was speaking to me the loudest, or if it was a combination of the two that propelled me forward towards something that had been ruminating in my mind for almost a year.

So I chose Houston.

I chose to take a chance and put down some good roots in a new city and to start over.

 

Packed With Love

It has been terrifying and empowering to know that my fate, my wellbeing, and my future has laid solely in my very own hands.

Of course I had opportunities to consult with family, friends and professionals, but at the end of the day the choices and actions were mine to make and take respectively.

It felt like yet another big step, a more permanent one than some of the recent ones, and some days it just felt lonely and hard.

Although I did just say that my fate was in my own hands, I must clarify why I felt a massive weight that caused so much anxiety and stress during the weeks leading up to my move.

The truth is, even though I had passed a job interview, been offered a position that I had accepted, and had an approved petition for a work visa in hand, it still came down to a further review and approval at Customs in Edmonton.

Whomever I saw that day had the authority to approve or deny the plans I had put in place for the next phase of my life.

I felt like I had put all my physical and proverbial eggs in one basket.

And that basket was PODS.com. My life was packed with the love, grace and help of my family into a 16×8 foot portable box.

 

So I needed to convince this person who I felt wielded an unfair power over my future, that I was in fact specialized enough to be permitted entry under the pretext of the work visa I was applying for.

It was up to me to convince this person of the facts laid out in the professionally assembled petition package that I was the only person that could fill this position. I knew I was the only one qualified. But my faith was overshadowed by another thing I knew to be true. The truth I knew of first hand that at those crossing points you can be denied access to your life and family based on subjective factors.

So I stressed and rehearsed selling myself and my expert knowledge to someone I didn’t know and would in all likelihood never see again.

You’re probably asking yourself, I must have had a plan B right?

I really didn’t.

Partly because well, planning for a plan B meant accepting an outcome I didn’t want and there was no space for acknowledging that it couldn’t go my way.

But..I finally did let my mind go there and I thought well, I’m moving SOMEWHERE!

My belongings are already ready to go!

Probably..I think I would have left them in that box in a storage facility in Edmonton and have gone to hideaway somewhere remote up a mountain or on a beach until I had licked and healed my wounds, soothed my disappointments and set new expectations.

Beyond that there was no plan B.

But, back to plan A: sleep eluded me for nights on end as I went over lists in my head of what I needed to do. What I needed to print, scan, decide, send, find, choose, organize, coordinate, apply for, wait for, deal with, obtain.

Does this feel like your everyday life?! Maybe!

But it felt like my livelihood depended on these lists, and I guess to an extent it did.

These were important matters.

I was no longer travelling strictly for pleasure.

I had (in my opinion) prepared thoroughly and understood I needed such things as a Social Security Number, a work permit, and banking, credit and finances available.

Some days leading up to my departure day simply left me feeling defeated and overwhelmed.

I took advice from loved ones, and took it one day at a time knowing full well that the next day would bring a new challenge.

I kept on moving towards the hope that soon the warm southern air would be kissing my skin.

Diving Into The Unknown

I recently told my sisters, (the women from my online Whole Woman course) on our last call after 12 weeks of journeying, discovering and healing together, that I truly felt like the timing of the course was the result of some divine intervention.

That it felt like a bridge that had carried me from the unknown to this new life.

I’m going to tell you what I told my soul sisters on that call when it was my turn to share what I experienced during that week journeying with the Soul archetype.

And it was simply this: that I needed to embody more trust in myself.

I needed to trust myself not only with the compassion and love that flowed effortlessly, but also to trust in my strength and capability to get through anything.

That sometimes, more times, I need to tune in for wisdom, rather than reaching out for wisdom.

I’ve had close friends and respected colleagues tell me that what I’ve done in the last two years has inspired them to take greater steps in their lives in a direction they were once hesitant to go. They’ve told me how brave they think I’ve been.

Those words have meant the world to me.

I haven’t given enough awareness or credit to what I’ve done and the path I’ve chosen.

It hasn’t always been easy but it’s been so very worth it.

And what’s so exciting.

You can make each new day a great new beginning.

I encourage you to trust your inner voice.

Embrace your power and your light.

It’s your magic.

Be your magic.

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Comments ( 8 )

    • Thank you! You’ve been a loving, supportive and inspiration rock along the way; I am so lucky xox

      Reply

  • Love reading your posts, again Lina. I felt all those emotions you wrote about as I was reading. Another new beginning! Always look ahead with inspiration and positivity and life flows with you. Mind you, there are always a few hiccups along the way, just to keep us on our toes. Turn those challenges into lessons and move on. Can hardly wait to visit!

    Reply

  • Good for you Lina. It all looks like a very good choice that you’ve made. Hope you’ll love your new job and new home.

    Reply

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