08/19/2019
03/15/2020
for those who've loved and lost
When you find something or someone that gives you everything you’ve ever dreamed of
A feeling that lifted you higher than the clouds
A laughter that made your soul shake
A love that felt endless
A certainly that would never fade
And then it was taken away..
Should you be glad that you had it?
That for a moment you experienced all you ever hoped was possible..
Be grateful for what it was..
Or grieve a loss so deep.
Or fight for it.
Not knowing if you could ever get back that perceived perfection.
Knowing that it might forever be altered.
Or, could it shift and form into a realistic comfort insulated by the magical connection that brought you this new reality.
How do you know how to proceed?
Where is the guide book for this?
I recall an ordinary day early on that’s forever etched into my mind..
The sun shone
The clouds gave close solace to the brightness, letting her glow yet staying close
My hands were filled with two hands
One small
One large
As we walked in a row of four
I looked at my love with an indescribable feeling
It was true at that moment
It was happiness at its core
I couldn’t believe this moment was happening
I felt so content
I looked down at two innocent faces that I loved, who loved me, who had embraced me and the moment like it was always meant to be
I looked up at a face that I loved and I knew loved me back
Carbon time had us all
But what do we call time now?
How do I come back to Earths time after whats touched me so deeply?
I’ve said it before…love is just not enough.
Though this love felt different..it still came with challenges that made us question our strength and capability.
Maybe we will, or maybe we won’t..
Or maybe, if it’s meant to be, baby, we should just let it be.
But when it’s not meant to be..we can fall.
Is it ironic that it starts with falling, and that it ends up in what feels like the biggest free fall of all?
Or is that just the way life goes.
Up and down. Like gravity.
Yet in this case I didn’t want to come back down.
And as is not the case with gravity, not what I expected.
I have a hard time in this moment accepting that it’s what I needed to feel or experience.
I’m not yet at a point of accepting it for what it was.
Though I know that is the key.
The only key to a new doorway.
Letting go is a challenge all on its own.
One that will test our will, test our logic, test our courage.
A simple test of time.
How can you begin to reconcile such polar opposites of what someone has put before you.
You question yourself, because how could you have so easily given your heart and trust to someone that in the end, was simply not able to reciprocate.
How can you regain a state of equilibrium within yourself knowing that you got it wrong.
Maybe we equalize by believing that getting it wrong didn’t mean we did wrong.
In trusting that by lending our heart, our hand, and our grace to someone that there was never a guarantee it would be accepted and cherished as the gift it was.
Two people must be in the same place of readiness in order to forge ahead into all that life has to offer.
Entering into relationship with a strong purpose within ourselves and belief in another, is a must. We must both be willing to stick.
Through challenge and insecurity.
But the truth is, that regardless of your own level of resilience, knowledge or devotion, it still may not be enough.
Accepting a new reality, accepting someones new behaviour, even when it’s taken a turn for the worse and has caused you stress, pain and anxiety, can feel inconceivable.
The loss of a future that you both so quickly built in reality and in your minds eye, can leave you wondering how at a time, it felt so possible.
Your hope for a shared dream no longer in front of you can leave you feeling hopeless and betrayed.
Betrayed that someone who promised to hold and protect your heart has done what they promised they would never do.
Made you feel in a way they said they never could or would.
Even after extending chance after chance to show you another way.
To show you effort, care and kindness.
It was not received.
Not getting that from the one person you so desperately wanted it from can leave you shattered and confused.
But this is the new reality.
A reality that must also be looked at as a gift, as hard as that may be to accept.
So baby..even though this was not meant to be,
Im sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you
We must gather our lessons because yes, there are always lessons.
We must focus on healing ours hearts through love.
Forgive and let go.
Healing is a journey which looks different for everyone.
Belief systems and believing in the good in others can make it hard to accept that some people simply aren’t worth our love anymore.
But it doesn’t mean that we stop loving.
It doesn’t mean that we aren’t good just because we don’t always do good.
But the faster we accept that closure can’t be given to us, the faster we assume responsibility for it.
That’s our work to do. Ours to own.
Everyone is fighting their own fight.
The harder we struggle against what is, the further we get from what will be.
Let go.
Surrender.
And keep on loving no matter what.
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Lots of wisdom there, Lina. Be well.
I can very much related. Well said! Sending you love and hugs