03/15/2020
05/16/2019
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Written by Laura Cipolla
There is no doubt about it; I am head over heels in love with this man.
As soon as I saw him I knew there was something. But after talking and spending time together I knew it was real. I love him, and every ounce of my soul wants to marry him.
But I broke up with him.
Why?
In our lives, we want to be loved.
We want to feel wanted and we want to return the love. But, it can be painful.
Very painful.
Let me tell you my story.
I started spending time with a man eighteen years older than me.
I know what you’re thinking:
How did this even happen?
Where did we meet?
How was the chemistry?
So many questions…
I am 37 years old and he is 55. We met at work where it started off as a fun crush and eventually manifested into so much more. We set up a time to meet and then…the rest was history.
When he touched me it was electric.
When he talked to me it was earth shattering.
Still to this day, I find myself dreaming about a life together.
Two years after we started spending time together I started questioning us.
Although we were comfortable with one another, and had already weathered some tough times that we worked through together, it was becoming obvious that we wanted different things.
I knew that staying together would be challenging but we always had so much love and respect for each other that it gave me hope that it just might be enough.
We were in love.
He is about three years from retirement and I am about twenty years from retirement.
I want to have a family, he doesn’t.
Two very major things to consider.
So major in fact that we mutually agreed to end our relationship, but had yet to select a date.
We both knew it was the right thing to do – but I also knew it would be heart shattering.
It reached a point where I couldn’t do the relationship anymore knowing what lay between us.
It felt like I was in a tank and the water just kept rising until there I was – underwater – barely being able to breathe.
So, I ended it.
I felt like I had no choice. And, let me tell you, I am still not the same. It was very hard.
My heart was broken, it had never been broken like this before.
Now I had to try and repair it when I was still in love with this man.
I want to share with you some small pieces of advice that I hope might help someone somewhere who might be going through something similar.
These realizations helped me get through this time in my life:
- Always be true to who are you. Never lose sight of who you are and who you want to become. If you want kids, have kids! If you want to get married, get married, or at the very least don’t accept the answer no. Talk, communicate, listen.
- Accept responsibility for yourself: I know this is not all his fault. It took me a minute to realize that. I thought he was in the wrong but it’s my fault too and I know that.
- Have faith: you are enough, don’t second guess yourself and your decisions!
- Practice forgiveness with yourself and with your partner. Things can be said at the end of a relationship. Try not to take anything too personally when emotions are flying high.
- If his heart belongs to you, he will be back.
- Be ok with being alone. Cliche as it may sound, love yourself and be ok spending time with yourself.
- Self care is NOT selfish: I started going to therapy more regularly, and I really invested in my self-care. Reiki, massage, social time with friends, vacations.
- Don’t be hard on yourself for failing: everyone is failing all around us. Keep moving through your failures to reach success.
- Operate from a place of your own passion.
- Know how you define your own happiness. I now know I can’t depend on anyone else for my happiness.
My therapist recently asked me, do you still love him?
My answer was yes. I do.
I always will; I want only the best for him and I hope that he finds what he is looking for.
More than ever I hope I find whatever it is I am looking for too.
At this point in my life, he may be my only love, and I am grateful for that because he helped define who I am and who I want to be. That in itself has a lasting impact on my life.
So, How to Leave a Man you Love?
The short answer, you never get over the loves in your life, but you always have to move forward. As selfish as the optics are, stick to your gut, be strong and put you first because making sure you are whole is the only true responsibility you have.
Laura
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