I learned two main things:

    (1) we’re extremely unprepared for relationships; all relationships – not just dating and marriage, and

    (2) if we studied and practiced what was already written about relationships in quality books and research papers (and stopped believing love songs, romantic movies, and romance novels), we’d be more skilled and successful in love. 

Of course, the other person has to be equally trained and committed to growth, learning, and avoidance of bad advice or it probably won’t work out.

I think many of us would agree that long-term dating and marriage is one of the most difficult things we’ll ever do.

Yet, we spend more time studying for a driving test than learning how to share our lives with another human being. 

Think about it: how many years do we give towards learning and studying to become carpenters, electricians, plumbers, accountants, engineers, teachers, nurses, lawyers, doctors, etc.? 

These professions are simple when compared against the complexities of a relationship, but for some dumb reason we don’t put similar amounts of effort towards learning relationship skills. 

And the results speak for themselves: high rates of failure.

Imagine taking a one or two semester course on each of these topics over a two-year period: boundaries, listening, dating and marriage, personal finance, parenting, conflict resolution, career planning, cooking, baking, purpose and fulfillment, homemaking and hospitality, human sexuality, family psychology, family law, family and the community. 

 I could go on, but you get the idea. 

What if these courses were a blend of theory and practical projects that were highly realistic?

What if we couldn’t get married until we passed each course along with a comprehensive final exam and capstone project? 

What if we couldn’t even date until we completed those requirements?

The last question seems especially ridiculous, I know. 

Why make someone study and practice that hard “just to date or be in a relationship”? 

After all, how can you possibly know what you like without meeting and dating lots of people? Right?

And why can’t you just “follow your heart” regardless of differences in age, education, or life experiences?

We’ll explore the answers to these questions and others  as I share what I’ve learned from my tireless, rewarding and ever enlightening research into human relationships over the past few years. 

So stick with me through this mini-series; my unconventional attempt to de-romanticize the romance that can keep couples blissfully ignorant, and look at the hard facts about what makes relationships successful.

 – Mark