07/19/2021
02/01/2019
0
moving forward & looking back
I woke up this morning and couldn’t believe it was February 1st.
Mostly because I’m all mixed up in terms of seasons; all my life I would normally be waking up to something below zero degrees celcius and likely no sun on February 1st. Yet here I am, windows open, sun shining, birds singing..helloooo Mexico!
It’s a time at the end of many celebrations and the busy holiday season. Halloween, Thanksgiving (yup I just did that in the America order oops! My time in the US is already showing!) Christmas, New Years, and (I can’t lie about how much I enjoy my birthday)…my birthday month!
February feels like a time to be quiet and re-group, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m in the perfect place to do that.
It also hit me that in two days my little (not so little) niece will be turning 13!! I exchanged text messages with her this morning as I had to reveal to her my shock and excitement. It was almost her bedtime over in Hong Kong but she wrote a couple messages that absolutely warmed my heart, and I already felt how grown up she was sounding.
Thinking back over her last 13 years made me take a step back and look at where I’ve been on February 1st throughout just the last five years. And taking stock of that made me realize how much has really happened, how much I’ve changed, grown, begun again, learned to live again, love again, and be me again. So I made some notes; come with me on this quick five year recap; it may inspire you to do the same with your last five!
February 1, 2015
Five years ago today I found myself living my fifth year in the first home/condo that I purchased in 2010. I was working my booty off for Enbridge but in my 8th year there, a feeling of unrest was starting to creep up on me. I felt like I needed a change. I had lost both my grandparents (on my dads side) in the last two years and was still adjusting to life without them; my family and I had suffered a huge loss and a hole remained in our lives. I was on-again off-again with a long term relationship and things were not looking good, and hadn’t for longer than I cared to admit. I was treading water to say the least. You know the song Waves by Mr. Probz? That’s how I felt. Nevertheless, I trudged on. Through the winter and through that time.
February 1, 2016
Fast forward one year and four years ago today, I was just getting settled into a new town home I had purchased, and getting used to land lording as I had rented out my condo. It felt good to be in a new space. Fresh start. I was also still glowing with bronzed skin after spending Christmas in Mexico with family. My grandparents had always been the glue that brought everyone together for the holidays, but we were adjusting and creating new traditions. While I was busy unpacking into my new house, I was also packing for my first adventure in Asia. I was going to visit my brother and his family who were living out a work stint in Hong Kong! I was nervous about the long journey alone, but so excited at the same time.
February 1, 2017
Three years ago today (thanks to date stamped electronic photos it made recalling these events much easier!) I was in night school learning about Anthropology and in English Lit reading classics like Journey to the Centre of the Earth by Jules Verne, Utopia by Thomas More, and Shakespeare’s As you Like It, to name a few.
I had also (apprehensively) made my foray back into the world of dating, and was actually several months into seeing the second person I had met on..wait for it… Tinder! Yup. It certainly was not meant to be, but I think it was just the right type of soft entry back into dating that I needed, and made me believe that good things could indeed be to come on this front.
It also made me believe again that people are put into your life at specific times for specific reasons. Reason, season, lifetime! This person had been there to help me through a bit of an ordeal that past New Years. I again found myself in Hong Kong with family, but ended up unwillingly being left behind on our planned trip to Bali for the New Year… but that’s a whole other story! This February also had me packing, again (it really becomes a theme in my life), as I was headed to Charlotte to take my sisters Aerial Yoga Teacher Training Certification. Because…why not right?!
February 1, 2018
Two years ago today I had just arrived in Charlotte (again). I was coming from a brief work trip at our Houston office, and about to start my last month (working remotely) with the company that I had called (career) home for more than the last decade. At this point I had sold my new house and many of my belongings with intentions of taking an early sabbatical, travelling and spending time with family. I was anxious and feeling slightly irresponsible for quitting my job, but at the same time excited for what was to come, and knew I needed to take advantage of the fortunate situation I was in. Carpe Diem!
Sometimes it’s helpful to look back to see how far we’ve come, and to be able to really appreciate the things that have happened. Accomplishments, stumbles, lessons, all of it. Over the last five years I have watched and shared in so many beautiful milestones reached by my friends and family as they have gotten engaged, gotten married, made homes, had children, changed and built careers, and at times I’ve felt left behind.
Reflection
Regardless of how many enlightening/self improvement type books that I’ve read, or as many inspiring talks that I’ve had, or wise people I’ve listened to, it’s still possible to get caught up in comparison. Caught up in the race of keeping up with the joneses, especially when I feel like I am missing things I deeply desire in my life.
But this look back made me truly realize how much I’ve accomplished and how proud I should be of that. I did many things in these last five years that I have wanted to do for a long time, or never thought I would do. To list just a few: do a photoshoot, have a roommate, travel to India and Israel, increase my tattoo count to seven, open my heart to love again, write again, live out of a suitcase, sell flower oil fragrances, call myself vegan for a hot min, actually understand and want to watch NFL!
That all said..right now I know that I need to take one day at a time, and be gentle with myself as my thoughts and emotions are as fluid as the Caribbean waves. And to those on the receiving end of these thoughts and emotions daily, likely unsure of how the exchange will go, thank you for being there regardless of what kind of day it is!
February 1, 2019
As for today I find myself in Tulum, Mexico. I love the new space I just moved into, and it’s made a world of difference in terms of the lightness I now feel (literally and metaphorically speaking, this place is surrounded with windows!). I think it’s so important wherever you are that you have a comfortable, safe and light place to retreat to, no matter how long or short you are there for. I endeavour to create a routine in each new surrounding, find ways to feel intentional, have an attitude of adventure and exploration, and seek to not only see, but revel in the beauty around me.
Here’s to the next five, but mostly, here’s to you February 1, 2019.
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11/15/2020
English